The Luncheon Crowd

The large group of 70 year olds, always one more woman than man – so annoying they supposedly don’t live as long. But talking, men on one side of the table, women on the other. Do the women gather around the solo women I wonder? There is always one man who is more interested in eating than the people.

The very proper couple. A testament to the belief that Alice bands never go out of fashion and that your pink cardigan can be tied around your neck – pink because it matches your pink sensible walkers and pink toned pants. So considerate that he wore his colour toned shirt too. We make a very smart couple.

But to my surprise she stops on her way out and compliments me on my necklace. Apparently I’m smart too!

There are the tables of three – normally a daughter or grand daughter taking their oldies out. How often do you see tables of a son or grandson taking the oldies out? Is that one of those unsaid caring duties women do?

And like me – the solo travellers. We brave people who eat alone and are fine about it. Not that we are necessarily single we just don’t begrudge ourselves the pleasure of eating lunch out, even when it is a table of one.

I am a little different to my fellow dinners with their sensible walking shoes and luxury of time. I am on a short stop over between work destinations, sitting with my high heels on. But instead of dashing from one place to the next, thinking I’ll grab something on my way through, I stopped off. Or more importantly I stopped. I stopped to enjoy the view of the botanical gardens. I stopped to enjoy the beautiful smoked salmon on sour dough. I stopped to enjoy my watermelon and mint juice. I stopped and look around – and someone gave me a complement. Sometimes you need to just stop.

The Love of Pets

I went and saw the beautiful exhibition The Popular Pet Show at the National Portrait Gallery. The show is a collection of different styles and mediums but with the central theme of just love for the extra member of our families – our beloved pets.

There are lots of different styles and mediums used in the show, but I can guarantee you’ll find a favourite, find an image that reminds you of a long lost friend, and find a bit of happiness for your day. I can’t recommend the exhibition enough, because this exhibition isn’t about the artist, which unfortunately a lot of blockbuster exhibitions have become, but about the subject matter.

These are some of my favourites:

 

All a buzz

They are small but dynamic. They are essential to our ecology. They can be a little scary, but they make a nectar loved by millions.  I’m talking about the world of bees. Last weekend I spent a two days learning about the world of beekeeping and I’m hooked, or should I say stung!

Run out at Murrumbateman, a small town about 35km from home, I did the Art and Science of Beekeeping Course run by Bindaree Bees.

The classes are held in the old historical inn which now functions as a cafe and meadery. There were six of us in the class and two tutors or should I say bee devotees, because that is what you become when you fall in love with beekeeping.

We learnt about the queen, her workers and drones. The way they magically build their mathematically logical hives. The selfless way the queen leaves when a new queen is about to emerge, taking half of her tribe with her to ensure genetic variety. This is what swarming is, and apparently contrary to popular belief this is when bees are actually the most calm, not aggressive at all.

If the queen doesn’t leave in time, a battle to the death occurs between the two monarchs. Nature is ruthless. We also learnt that amongst the beekeepers there are two thoughts on whether you allow them to swarm or you intervene, taking the queen and replacing her yourself.

There is also different loyalties between the types of hive structures you can use. The most common is the Langstroth (which is the one in the pictures) as these provide significant honey yield. However other keepers prefer the Warre beehive especially if you are more interested in your bees for their ecological benefits for fertilising your garden than producing honey. At that was just the start of the options.

The afternoon of the first day we built our own langstroth frame and learnt how to put the starter frame in for the bees. We then got to sample some of the wonderful honey mead that they make from their honey. Surprisingly it wasn’t as sweet as I thought it was going to be.

On the second day after a bit of education on the “sex” life of bees were we learn the queen flies higher and higher, and how the strongest gets to mate with her while in flight. Then it was dress up time and we were given the opportunity to put on the iconic beekeeping jacket and hood. Dressed in our regalia we set off to see the bees in action.

I thought I would be nervous but instead I felt incredibly calm. Gently soothed by the smoke from the smoker, the bees also seem to be happy to let us see their work. I instantly feel in love with their beauty. The way they build their kingdoms, the way they bustle around doing their work. The queen darting around looking to fertilise the perfect hexagons. The gentle hum and their amazing produce. You move gently and calmly, and somehow the bees respond accordingly. Our tutors did warn that when you are a beekeeper you will ultimately get stung, .however not one of us that day received any painful nudges.

My mind was made up – I am going to get a hive, probably two. I won’t get honey till next spring as I’ll need to let the bees build a store for the winter, but I don’t mind, I am just looking forward to having these amazing creatures in my garden.

Nice and Strong

Let’s be nice to each other again…………………

Is it just me or is there a growing acceptance, even enjoyment of watching and being mean to each other? I see it at work, on the TV, in parliaments and on the roads. When did we stop being nice to each other? Why did we stop being nice?

I was watching some mindless TV the other night – one of those reality shows that seem to clog our screens now days – and once again it was people whinging about it each, getting stuck into each, going to “sort the other person out” or actively shunning another person. It is argued that people who sign up for these things know what they are getting into, and in fact the producers “select” types that they know will cause dramas. Is that the sad part – they know we want to see the dramas? They know we will “love” seeing two of the contestants arguing or calling each other mean names behind the other’s back. How can “love” and “mean” be in the same sentence?

So what did I do – I switched channel. I thought no I don’t want to see this, and if enough people do that then the ratings will drop and maybe they’ll change this.

Another “sanctioned” place of abuse is in our Parliaments, where I’m afraid cowards hide behind parliamentary privilege. The concept of parliamentary privilege is a good democratic principle based on being able to let the truth come out.

The principal parliamentary immunity is the immunity from civil or criminal action, and examination in legal proceedings, of members of the houses and of witnesses and others taking part in proceedings in Parliament. This immunity is known as the right of freedom of speech in Parliament, because it has the effect of ensuring that members, witnesses and others cannot be sued or prosecuted for anything they say or do in the course of parliamentary proceedings. This freedom of speech has always been regarded as essential to allow the houses to debate and inquire into matters without fear of interference. [http://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Work_of_the_Parliament/Parliament_at_Work/Parliamentary_Privilege]

Unfortunately we see this privilege being used to bully witnesses at inquiries; make allegations without evidence; speak about someone derogatively; or to circumvent the laws of otherwise legally binding findings e.g. revealing people’s names when they are not allowed to be released. These are the people who we have elected to “represent” us – do they really represent how you think people should be treated?

Don’t even start me on election campaigns, especially the US Presidential campaign where apparently it is a strategy to win votes by being as mean as you can about the other person so you “connect” with the voters. They want to connect by being mean – how is that helping a nation to be “united states”?

So what effect does this have on us? Do these things change our society? Does it change us?

When I did the quintessential google search on the effect of being mean vs being nice there are hundreds upon hundreds of sites with research and reasons why being nice is so much better for both your mental and emotional health. You apparently live longer, suffer less mental illness, and are more likely to be successful and respected.

For me being kind is to be human and don’t we all equate being humane to acts of kindness, even if those acts are hard to do. Is that the answer then – is being mean just easy, and being kind requires an effort. Are we that lazy? More importantly do you want to be known as a lazy person?

I’m no saint. I find it hard to be kind to rude, disrespectful people especially when I’m tired, or you just know they will see your kindness as a weakness. But if I don’t try then I am no better than they are, and I don’t want to be that way. Life is too short to be unhappy, so I’ll put on my armour of kindness; my shield of humour and my sword of love, and maybe I’ll slay one of those dragons! Because you know what, I’d rather be nice.

 

Nine Challenges

Here we are at the pointy end of the year, and it is nine weeks till 1 January 2017. Two more months to take what can only be called a frustrating year for me into at least a productive end of year. Luckily I have a trip planned in just over six weeks, but I still want to make the next nine weeks have some achievements.

So, I’m setting nine challenges for myself (are you sensing a theme here!) to achieve in the next nine weeks.

Challenge 1 – cook or eat (this is because I’m away for two of these weeks) nine new meals.

Challenge 2 – Try a class at the gym I’ve not done before (there is a caveat to this, it must be approved by my physio first).

Challenge 3 – Write a list of things that need doing around the house – those little things I never seem to get to – and tick off nine each week.

Challenge 4 – Write my 2017 goals so I’m ready for the new year – but not just write them as a list – develop them properly with timing and research already done. Normally I’d do this at the beginning of the year but I want to be ready to go from the start.

Challenge 5 – Plant nine new plants in the garden.

Challenge 6 –  Learn a new skill.

Challenge 7 – Spend less than nine hours each day at work.

Challenge 8 – Restore something old.

Challenge 9 – Slow down and be happy. Have you noticed that stressed people rush? I have also found that angry and aggressive people talk fast, demand our attention immediately and expect us to be part of their negative feelings. It exhausts me, so I’m going to deliberately slow down and be consciously happy.

What do I want to achieve from these? A sense of getting things sorted, some fun, piece of mind and calmness, and a refocus from feeling that this year has been a bit of dud to one that is back on track. What would you like to achieve before this year ends?

Dear Future Self…………….

I’m sure you’ve all read articles or seen celebrities interviewed where the retrospective question is asked “What would you tell your younger self that you know now?”. Some talk about being brave, realising you aren’t alone, stop having the self-doubts and to be your true self. Always thought provoking, it is meant to show our wisdom, how we have grown, and on the whole, that it will work out okay.

If I was asked that question I would probably tell myself, that I was actually much cleverer than I thought I was at school. I didn’t think I was “smart” enough to go to university unlike my school friends who all knew what they wanted to study post-school. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t think I was dumb, but I didn’t think I could be say a lawyer or study psychology. I know now that I could have been.

I would also probably tell myself a tough fact, that love doesn’t fix everything. You also need respect, trust, individuality and equality in a relationship. A lesson I learnt the hard way from a very bad first marriage that went on far too long.

That probably comes to my third lesson. Don’t settle for second best. I still to this day struggle with this. Stopping myself from saying “that will do” when I know in my heart and mind it isn’t okay. I need to work for, ask for, and expect more from myself and others.

The problem with the retrospective question is that I can’t really go back and tell that girl those things. Also it is easy to think that even if I’d know this advice I wouldn’t have done the same things, or maybe made worse decisions.

So are there better pieces of advice to give myself – right now? Why wait another 20-30 years to give good advice? What should I be telling myself now? What are three pieces of advice I want to give myself now?

Obviously post broken leg/hip and finding out that I have osteopenia, I need to focus on my physical health. So regular exercise, specifically weight bearing exercise and a focused healthy diet. So my advice to myself – start looking after this now so you never have to go through this recovery again. This is your chance to make a difference to your physical health and to stop this from getting worse, or happening again.

Next, stop trying to fix the things that can’t be fixed. Buy that replacement plant – that one in the pot is never going to be more than a sad pathetic bunch of twigs with a few leaves. Stop waiting for people to do the right thing on their own. They are either selfish and probably won’t change, so ditch them, or ask them straight out to do something rather than hoping they’ll share the responsibility. It is good to try, but you also need to know when to stop trying when it isn’t going to change.

Lastly, remember to fill my life with the things and people I love. Yes, I have to go to work to earn money but do I really want to apply for the job that is filled with toxic people and ambiguity? It is easy to be seduced by the next pay level, but is the extra money worth it?

I need to make the time for travel, art galleries and seeing the people I love. That means getting things organised so I have the time and resources to do it. This ranges from getting the things done in my house like my kitchen refurbishment, so I enjoy entertaining again, through to seeing a financial planner to do a review of my retirement plans so that I can keep travelling. Also asking others to step up rather than trying to do it all and becoming overwhelmed or resentful. I only have so much time to give, I need others to help out more.

There are and will be other lessons to learn, but I want the future me in 20 or 30 years to say ‘Do exactly what you did, well done.  What a great life.’

Putting your best foot forward

I currently only one “good” foot. My other broken one, well leg, is mending, too slowly for me, but definitely on the mend. I only need one crutch now and can weight bear 80% on it, but the last step is going to be a tough one. Walking without a crutch is going to be tough.

We’ve all heard the motivational rah-rah that a journey starts with a first step. Sounds easy doesn’t it. Just head off in that direction and you’ll be right. I’m not so sure it is that simple. Problem is that it isn’t just one step, it’s another, and another etc. I agree that you obviously can’t start a journey without starting with that first step, but what if you find your path is circular and you end up back at the beginning again? Do you take that first step again? What if that step feels virtually impossible? What if the pathway has a road block?

I started doing a bit of pool rehab today. Just walking, without a crutch, up and down the lane, trying to lift my knee and walk in a straight line. It was certainly easier in the water than on land. I have tried walking unaided on land, and I limp badly. At least in the water it was easier, and on the most part comfortable. I still had trouble though walking in a straight line. My leg muscles just don’t work properly at the moment. I felt the disappointment well up inside as I realised I was a still a long way off being able to walk properly again. And as for getting back into heels……………..well that seems at the moment like it is a very big mountain to climb.

Sometimes though putting your best foot forward isn’t just stopped by a physical disability. Sometimes it is also an emotional barrier, a financial roadblock, or the lack of knowledge to know what to do.

Tonight I am about to take another step that I haven’t done for a while. I’m going out on my own to watch a friend perform and to have a glass of wine. Unfortunately the couple of people I hoped could join me can’t come for very legitimate reasons. It was a last-minute plan anyway, so I don’t blame them. But you see I hate being on my own on Saturday nights. Most nights, I can cope with being on my own, but for some reason Saturdays get me. I have lovely Saturday’s planned for the next couple of weeks, but in the last 3 months I have spent every Saturday night except one on my own. It gets lonely. I was not going to go out tonight to a pub alone but then I thought, no, tonight you have to do something different, you have to take that first step. It will be better than sitting on your couch alone.

I wear a ring that I bought in Edinburgh on my first overseas trip by myself some 15 years ago. I bought it so that when I think something is too hard to remind myself that I thought that travelling by myself would be hard, and it wasn’t. I took a big first step back then, I have a lot more first steps to make.

The other thing that I did today. I went and had a pedicure with bright red nail polish. I wanted my poor old leg to feel better about itself. My poor feet have been doing it tough for ten weeks now, and there are lots of steps to go, but at least tonight when I put my best foot forward – it will look fabulous!

Just a couple of tarts…….

It’s the end of a long weekend with one glorious day spent in the garden. In the spirit of living passionately, I harvested from my garden tonight for a little bit of a special dinner.

Sweet asparagus, savory spring onions and ruby-red rhubarb……………….. 

And voila……………….Asparagus, Chicken and Brie Tart.

Followed by sweet Rhubarb and Blueberry Tarts.

And they were divine……………………

What’s your passion?!

I have been thinking a lot about passion lately. Mainly for me in the light of work and the notion that you should find a job that fits your passion. I know people who have done that. They took the time to get qualifications and were prepared to start at the bottom or slowly build a business so they could work in the field they are passionate about. I have another close friend who has followed her love of the arts, particularly photography, who took a major step back from a very successful consultancy career to become a full-time art student. I have never seen her happier.

Passion can be in our lives in other ways. As we come to the pointy end of the various football code seasons, we of course see another passion arise in people. Ingrained in most cases from birth, the passionate desperate hopes of people in support of their team playing against another team who have equally passionate supporters. Unfortunately one side is going to be feeling heartfelt disappointment at the full-time whistle. Being a passionate Brumbies fan I have felt this pain too many times, but wow it is amazing when you win.

On the other extreme it is election time here, and the passion exhibited by politicians and their supporters as they try to gain our votes at the ballot box is everywhere. The tell us using emotive words why the other candidates are so wrong and slogans on why they are better. That passion though is often uncompromising, divisive and a scary self-serving focus. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are many politicians who start off with the values of wanting to serve the people they are elected  to represent, but sadly they seem to lose that passion for another less honourable one that features more about keeping their seat and gaining the power.

But back to passion in our ordinary lives. Life coaches tempt us with a dream of jumping out of bed with enthusiasm for another day at work. I love the type of work I do. It challenges my mind and I want to do the best I can to achieve useful and meaningful work. I have realised something though – it isn’t a passion for work, it is a passion to be the best I can be. Yes we should value what we do for most of our day, and let’s face it most of our week, month and year, however the real passion though should be within me, not a thing that is transient. I won’t always work in this job. I look forward to one day not “working”. Situations change, but the passion to do the best I can shouldn’t change.

What if we shifted that passion for one thing and make it a passion for the whole within ourselves. What about being passionate about having a healthy lifestyle. What about a passion for fairness and opportunity. A passion for our environment. Passion for beauty. A passion for doing the washing up. A passion for the things we hate doing. What about a passion for passion? Would that make you jump out of bed each day?

The footy supports whose team looses today, will still be passionate supporters. I will go to work again next week. The difference will be though, that I am going to try to shift my passion from one thing, to all things. So maybe not doing 9 hour days at work, but also having a passion for getting home and being in the garden, for cooking a healthy dinner and for those I love. A passion for balance, for all things, not just one thing. Afterall I love passionfruit tarts, like the one in the photo (the fingerprint is me testing the flavour), but I don’t want them to be the only thing I eat.

Warm sunny afternoons…………

There is nothing like quite like sitting in the warm afternoon sunshine. It is one of my greatest pleasures, and a benefit of being still housebound with my healing hip/leg.

Spring feels like it is winning the battle over winter. My apricot blossom is coming out. The garden is full of flowering bulbs. Mr and Mrs Blue Wren are darting about. The luxury of quiet times.

I may be looking forward to getting back to normal very soon, but I will miss these quiet times in the sun.

Someone else also loves the afternoon sun. This is her ruffled I just woke up look.